Introduction:
{Absurd.Archive.18.719}: Self-Centered Self-Parody {moulton}
Mon, 23 Feb 1998 10:34:12 CST (105 lines)
Moulton was born in 1945, the year the Holocaust ended. His parents
were Holocaust Survivors. But they couldn't take pleasure in having
survived a terrible ordeal because so many others were brutally
exterminated. This left them Emotionally Conflicted. They didn't
want to talk about it.
Psychologists who studied this kind of emotional conflict came up with
the name Survivor Guilt to describe it. It's an unfortunate Label
because it invokes the word Guilt which suggests that they broke a
Rule and deserved to be Punished. And in those days, when everyone
lived in a Rule-Oriented, Control-Oriented, Punishment-Oriented
Culture, no one ever admitted Guilt, because then the Control Freaks
from the Police Culture would feel Justified in meting out Sanctions
and Punishment. It was a Toxic Culture in that regard. So everyone
tried to keep it a Big Secret from the Emotions Police who habitually
practiced Erratic Retaliation.
But a few Holocaust Survivors, who were smart enough to stay far away
from Psychologists and their Ferchachta and Erroneous Theories about
Survivor Guilt asked themselves the Question, "Why Me? Why was I
spared and allowed to live, while so many others perished?" And the
Answer came to them. "Because you were Smart enough to get the Hell
out of Europe before the Nazis rounded you up. Because you Foresaw
what was coming and did the Intelligent thing before it was Too Late."
And so these Holocaust Survivors realized that it was their ability to
Prophesy what horrors were coming and to take Timely and Intelligent
Action to save their lives that explained why they were spared. And
so they Worshiped a New God, the God of Model-Based Reasoning. This
was a actually a Small Cognitive Error, which they didn't realize,
because this all happened before anyone worked out the Science of
Cognition and the Correct Rules of Thinking Straight about God and
God's Plans.
They founded Schools for their children and taught them Model-Based
Reasoning. But since they were Silent about their Conflicted Emotions
of being Holocaust Survivors, they never let the children do any
Model-Based Reasoning about Emotions. They made that Taboo, because
they didn't want to grade Homework Assignments in which their own
children were stumbling through the Learning Curve trying to
Understand and Model the Emotions and Motivations of their parents,
the Holocaust Survivors.
Finally, after 40 years in the Emotional Desert, most of the parents
had begun to forget their concerns about dealing with Survivor Guilt,
and instead began to Kvell with Joy as their now-grown children, who
had been taught Model-Based Reasoning, enjoyed Successful Careers and
produced Bright and Playful Grandchildren for them to take Pride in.
The Successful Children, on the other hand, began to be Criticized
because, for all their Intelligence and Skill at Model-Based
Reasoning, they were lousy at thinking about other people's
Emotions. Everyone else was Brilliantly Skilled at figuring out how
others were feeling, from nothing more than a Raised Eyebrow or a
Muffled Cough.
So these Successful Children decided to Learn about Emotions. They
wrote books on Emotional Intelligence and formed Theories on Emotion,
Cognition, and Learning. They got so good at Regarding Emotions that they founded whole new disciplines of Affective Computing, teaching machines to Bear Accurate Witness to the Feelings of the User and to construct Complex Models to Reason about Emotions in an Intelligent and Scientific Way and to make Appropriate Apologies as needed so that the Users wouldn't get Upset and Kick the Machine.
And then the Children of the Holocaust Survivors realized what they
were doing. They had not spent their lives Worrying about Emotions.
Instead they had spent their lives learning Diagnostic Reasoning
Skills. And it Occurred to them that this was too Important an Idea
to keep a Big Secret from everyone else.
And so they launched a New Culture, one in which people didn't worry
endlessly about their Feelings and Emotions but instead Thought about
them Rationally, Diagnosed the Underlying Problem, and Solved them
with Ingenuity and Creativity.
Their Mantra became "Stop Worrying and Heal the World."
Or in the more Cryptic Swahili/Hebrew, "Ha-Tikkuna Mutata Olam."
And they posted this Idea prominantly and spamfully on their Silly Web
Site at
http://www.musenet.org/orenda/
Moulton was not the God of this New Religion. He was merely their
Public Relations Guru. They fired him for Incompetence. He
vigorously protested that it was Illogical to fire him for being
Incompetent since he was the only person doing this work and there was
no one else against whom he was Competing. But they didn't listen.
"You're not listening," they told him Sternly. But he didn't hear
them. Evidently they had neglected to pay attention when he reminded
them over and over he had a Listening Disability.
Moulton got a new job as a Journalist, Speaking the Truth to Power.
He wasn't expected to last long.
Many people thought Moulton was Pathetic and a few Poked Fun at him.
A few kept their counsel to themselves.
One especially quiet and contemplative chap, who liked to go for Long
Quiet Walks in the Woods, said very little in public. In fact, he
never spoke a word to Moulton. He just quietly handed Moulton a
freshly picked Mushroom. Moulton, of course, had no Idea what that
Gesture meant.
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Emotional Semantics and Emotional Semiotics => 
Response #193